


Forever & Always

by patton_pending



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Creativity | Roman “Princey” Sanders Speaks Spanish, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 07:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patton_pending/pseuds/patton_pending
Summary: Ethan goes down to the basement and expects to find the box of Christmas decorations but finds so much more. He can’t understand for the life of him why Logan has hidden such a treasure away, but Logan remembers clear as day why he buried Christine amongst repressed memories.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Past Creativity | Roman “Princey” Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 18
Kudos: 54





	Forever & Always

Ethan made his way down the stone staircase to the basement where Logan said the box of ornaments should be. He checked several boxes but couldn't find the ornaments. There were a few boxes on top of what Ethan thought was a tall table covered with a dusty white sheet. 

He finally found a box marked "Christmas decor" and lifted it, underestimating its weight and fumbling with it until he managed to balance it on the edge of the table. Except, he discovered, it wasn't a table at all. 

When the box hit the edge of it, there was a sudden high pitched note, which nearly scared Ethan into dropping the box completely but he managed to keep a hold of it.

He had always been a rather curious person at heart and he decided he could take a few minutes of his time to take a look under the sheet. He lifted the boxes off the top — as well as the framed photo of a man he didn't recognise — and set them on the floor so he could remove the sheet. 

When he did, he was in awe of the piano's beauty. White with gold trim and surprisingly well-kept for something that was hidden away in a dingy old basement. Why on earth would Logan want to keep such a treasure concealed down here?

Just as he laid his hand down on it, he heard the basement door open and Logan's voice quickly followed. 

"Ethan, darling, did you find the—" He cut himself off when he reached the bottom of the steps, seeing the piano uncovered. 

"You never told me you were a pianist, Logan," Ethan said with a small smile. "I haven't played since high school, but I still remember a thing or two. Why is this down here, anyway? I think it would look lovely in the den."

Logan remained silent, staring with a tense brow at the piano. Ethan could have sworn his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. What could be making Logan so upset?

"Logan, my sweet, are you alright? I'm sorry for snooping, I just—"

"No, it's fine," Logan finally spoke, his voice rather strained. He cleared his throat and finally tore his eyes away from the piano. "I simply... haven't... seen her in so long."

"'Her'?" Ethan repeated. 

"Christine," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "Her... her name is Christine."

"As in the Stephen King novel or the protagonist from _Phantom of the Opera_?" Ethan asked, mostly joking, but noticed Logan tense even further. 

"I hate _Phantom of the Opera_," he muttered, almost on reflex. Ethan wasn't sure what was wrong but wanted to lighten the mood somewhat. 

"Oh, I know, _The New Adventures Of Old Christine_, right?" 

"Yes. That's precisely it, you - you got it. Can we cover her back up? Please?"

Ethan knew there was an untold mystery behind this piano but had no idea how to go about solving it. He decided not to push Logan too far right now as he seemed quite discomforted. 

He draped the white sheet back over the piano, helping Logan set some of the boxes back on top. He picked up the picture again, the picture of the man in the white shirt and red letterman jacket. He was striking an elegant pose as he smiled coyly into the camera.

"Who's the cutie?" he asked Logan with a smile, but quickly noticed how pale he became. He set the photo down on the piano and placed his hands on Logan's shoulders. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"It happened a long time ago," he muttered, not answering the question. 

"What did? Do you wanna talk about it?" Ethan asked, Logan quickly shaking his head. "Okay, how about we go upstairs, and I'll make you some tea? Does that sound alright, my dear?" 

"Yes," Logan mumbled, nodding slightly. "That... sounds good. I love you." 

Ethan smiled small, giving Logan a peck on the lips and taking his hand. 

"I love you too."

~

Logan couldn't sleep that night. He wasn't sure he would ever sleep again. He hadn't ever wanted to see that piano again. Of course, he could have easily burned it or sold it or done something to get rid of it, but how could he betray Roman's memory like that? 

He could remember that horrific day with crystal clarity. Ethan knew full well that he had lost a boyfriend to a car accident, but had never seen his face before. In fact, Ethan knew nothing of Logan's relationship with Roman. Not how they met, not how they got together, not a thing that they did when they were. 

Logan wanted to forget Roman entirely. Yet he wanted to hold him in his heart forever. 

_Even when I die, my spirit will live on within you, and we'll never be apart._

Forever and always. 

It was two o'clock in the morning when Logan finally gave up on the idea of sleep. Although he didn't want to leave his bed, didn't want to leave Ethan's side as he soundly slept, he could only think of one thing that could possibly help him work through his feelings and get some much needed rest. 

He returned to the basement. 

There she sat, covered up and hidden just as Logan had wanted ever since coming home from the hospital and seeing her there. Mocking him. Reminding him of what he had lost. He had lost everything that day. His everything. 

He placed a delicate hand on the sheet, his emotions in turmoil as he felt the sleek instrument beneath. He sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to keep himself calm. How could he do this? Hide the thing that Roman loved most — besides Logan himself — as though it were an abomination, a beast in need of slaying. 

_Lo siento, mi sol._

Taking a few deep breaths to keep himself grounded, he shakily removed the boxes from atop the piano, his hands trembling more and more with each box. Then the photograph. 

He remembered the day it was taken. His old roommate and best friend, Virgil, had gotten a new camera that day and Roman volunteered to be his muse. There were several pictures of him taken that day, but this one was Logan's favourite. It captured Roman's essence perfectly. 

Logan couldn't help but bring the picture to his lips and press a small kiss to it. He held it to his chest and took a few calming breaths, allowing a single tear to slip past his eye. 

How could something that transpired years ago still affect him today? To Logan it made no logical sense. 

He finally set the framed photo down on top of one of the boxes on the floor. Taking one more deep breath, he removed the sheet. 

There were so many memories stored within this simple instrument. So much that he wanted to relive, but knew he never could. He slowly lowered himself into the seat, feeling his long-buried emotions coil around his heart like a snake as more tears sprung to his eyes. 

He played a single note, the G note specifically. That always made Virgil go insane, talking about how "you can't just play that note in front of an emo, Logan". He would simply laugh at Virgil's extreme reaction, though now he could only manage a small smile, which still felt like a miracle. 

He remembered the very first song he and Roman played on this piano. All those years ago when Roman first got her. 

_Logan got home from work to see a gleeful Roman practically bouncing on his feet, his smile widening upon seeing him walk through the door. _

_"Greetings, mi amor!"_

_Logan couldn't form a thought before being practically dragged into the house over to the living room, where a beautiful white grand piano with gold trim sat waiting to be played. Roman, ever so giddy, sat down on the seat and invited Logan to sit beside him. _

_"Roman, where did you get this?" Logan asked, his tone amused as he took a seat on Roman's left. _

_"The local music store! Don't you love her?"_

_"'Her'?" Logan echoed, raising an eyebrow slightly. _

_"Of course! I've even named her Christine!" Logan smiled softly at Roman's name choice. _

_"Phantom of the Opera."_

_Roman gave him a fond look, taking his hand in his own as a soft smile adorned his face. _

_"Of course. Shall we play something, Lo? I would love nothing more than to perform a duet with my one true love!"_

_Logan wanted to roll his eyes at his boyfriend but resisted the urge. Logan knew exactly what he wanted to play. _

_"You remember how to play 'All I Ask of You', correct?"_

_Roman's smile grew, his dimples deepening as he knew what this song meant to them both. _

_"You know I do, mi cielo. I take it you do as well?"_

_"Of course, mi sol." _

_Roman kissed Logan's hand before they began playing, bringing a soft blush to Logan's cheeks. Logan's playing was confident and calculated, and he knew precisely where his hands needed to be at just the right moments. Roman played with his own confidence, his fingers dancing across the keys as they created the most melodic sounds. They sang the duet in perfect harmony, their voices complimenting one another flawlessly. _

_Logan had become quite lost in his thoughts as he played alongside his love, both of them becoming swept up in the music. He looked to Roman, who looked back at him. They brought their lips together in a kiss as sweet as sugar, still playing the song. Logan was unable to fight the smile forming against the kiss. Roman followed suit, and they separated and smiled fully, Logan's heart hammering wildly in his chest with his love for him. _

_Once they finished the song, Logan kissed him once more, this kiss much more fiery and passionate as his hands tangled in Roman's hair, Roman's hands trailing up and down Logan's back. _

_They eventually separated to catch their breath, resting their foreheads together. Logan smiled as he took both of Roman's hands in his. _

_"I love you, Roman," he spoke softly, Roman smiling back as he pecked the tip of Logan's nose. _

_"I love you too, Logan. Forever and always."_

It was one of Logan's favourite memories with Roman. 

It had been quite some time since he had played piano, so he knew he would be a bit rusty, but he decided to play that very song he played with Roman all those years ago. He hoped it would be cathartic, but he wouldn't be surprised if not. 

He was not as sure of himself playing now, but he still managed to do a decent job with the song, gaining confidence as he went on. The sound of music was enough to bring Logan back to the very first time he and Roman had met. 

_Roman was one of the protagonists, Viscount Raoul, in a local production of Phantom of the Opera. Logan was a stagehand for the production and quite honestly found Roman a bit snobbish._

_ **~No more talk of darkness. Forget these wide-eyed fears~** _

_Over the course of the next few days, Logan watched him rehearse. Then again, how could he_ not _watch when Roman was rehearsing at every possible moment? He was very clearly dedicated to his craft, which was certainly respectable. At least that meant he cared enough to do the show justice._

_ **~I'm here, nothing can harm you. My words will warm and calm you~** _

_It didn't take very long for Logan to realise he was quite enamoured of Roman's acting. It was certainly only his acting that Logan found alluring. Nothing else, surely. What else could there be? _

_ **~Let me be your freedom. Let daylight dry your tears~** _

_Sure, he was aesthetically pleasing to look at, Logan would not deny that. But he couldn't possibly develop romantic feelings for someone simply by watching them perform, right? He was acting; Logan wasn't even seeing the real, proper Roman. _

_ **~I'm here, with you, beside you. To guard you and to guide you~** _

_Perhaps that meant he should talk to Roman outside of theatre. Finally get to know the real him, instead of Raoul. He decided at last to invite Roman to have a cup of coffee. Only to talk as acquaintances and as colleagues, of course. He had no ulterior motive here whatsoever. _

_ **~Say you love me every waking moment. Turn my head with talk of summertime~** _

_Finally, Logan approached him. _

_"Hello," he greeted as he caught Roman's attention. "I'm Logan Adams. I'm one of the stagehands for this particular production."_

_Roman smiled at him, and Logan would be lying if he said it didn't fluster him just the smallest bit. _

_ **~Say you need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true~** _

_"Pleasure to meet you, Logan. I'm Roman MacBeth."_

_Logan couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking upward into the faintest grin. _

_"It's certainly no wonder why you have pursued theatre."_

_Roman laughed, a beautiful sound unlike any music the world had to offer. _

_"I get that more often than you think. Say, would you like to get some coffee after rehearsals today?"_

_"As a matter of fact, that was the very reason I decided to speak with you. So yes, I would very much like to get coffee with you."_

_Roman smiled sweetly and sincerely, nearly causing Logan's heart to stop completely. _

_"Practically perfect in every way."_

_ **~That's all I ask of you~** _

_Logan was a panicked mess as he tore through his closet in search of the perfect outfit. He was about to go on his first official date with Roman and he wanted to look his best. He knew he was overthinking things but for once in his life, knowledge did not help his situation. _

_Virgil walked in and smirked at the sight before him. He shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets and fought hard to mask his amusement. _

_"You're an absolute gay disaster," he commented, finding his amusement was not, in fact, well-masked. _

_"Do you honestly believe I was not already well aware of this?" Logan retorted, getting a laugh out of Virgil. _

_"Touché. It's still worth noting, though." _

_ **~Let me be your shelter. Let me be your light~** _

_Logan held up one of the many shirts he had looked through, a simple long sleeved black button up. _

_"Is this suitable? Or is it too formal? I'm not even sure where we're going to dinner, what if I'm overdressed? What if I underdress? Do you think I should wear a tie?"_

_"Dude, relax." Virgil put his hands on both of Logan's shoulders to ground him. "You are way overthinking this, L. Roman seems like a really good guy and I don't think he would care what you wear, as long as it's you who shows up. And if he says a single bad word about you, I will kill him myself."_

_Logan laughed at the sentiment, as over the top as it was. _

_"Duly noted, I appreciate that." _

_ **~You're safe, no one will find you. Your fears are far behind you~** _

_"Since when am I the one coaching you through this stuff? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"_

_Logan nodded with a smile, knowing just what Virgil meant. Many days and nights were spent comforting Virgil when his anxiety acted up. While Virgil apologised thoroughly, Logan insisted he wouldn't have it any other way. And he always meant it. _

_"Perhaps you're figuratively rubbing off on me."_

_"Same with you," Virgil replied with a gentle smile. _

_ **~All I want is freedom. A world with no more night~** _

_Logan finally managed to get dressed, going with the black button up and a black tie with constellations on it. There was a knock at the door and he was swift to answer. _

_There stood Roman, who also wore a long sleeved button up, but his was white and he wore a two tone red and gold bowtie. They both smiled upon seeing each other. _

_"Your eyes... they sparkle with starlight, my dear," Roman said as he took Logan's hand and placed a kiss on his knuckles, Logan's heart fluttering at the feeling of Roman's soft lips against his skin. "It is as though an entire night sky resides within your irises."_

_Logan had not a clue how to respond, his cheeks becoming overtaken with heat as he attempted to process Roman's poetic words. _

_"Ah, thank you," Logan managed. "That... well, I'm not sure how to respond to that." His voice wavered just a touch, hardly noticeable but enough for Roman to catch it. _

_"Nervous?" he asked, Logan nodding his head in response. "Me too." _

_Roman didn't let go of his hand, and Logan didn't mind in the slightest._

_ **~Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Let me lead you from your solitude~** _

_They walked to the restaurant together, which turned out to be quite an elegant establishment and Logan was glad he had gone with the black button up. _

_They sat at their table, sipping idly on ice water as they talked and laughed and bonded. They talked about theatre and poetry and all their favourite forms of fiction. They eventually landed on the topic of space and their mutual love for it. _

_"There's just so much out there to explore!" Roman declared with vigor, catching the attention of a few patrons but not seeming to care as he was lost in his own words. "The stars fascinate me to no end!"_

_"I share that same fascination, I always have. It has been my dream to become an astronomer since I was a child. Although... lately, I do wonder if I am able to pursue that dream."_

_Roman smiled as he took Logan's hand in his own, interlocking their fingers like the pieces of a puzzle. _

_"You can pursue any dream if you only have the courage to do so."_

_ **~Say you need me with you, here beside you. Anywhere you go, let me go too~** _

_Roman walked Logan home that night, hand in hand, a pair of smiles under the light of a full moon. They got to his doorstep and Roman took Logan's other hand, holding both of them firmly. _

_"I had the most wonderful night of my life, mi cielo," Roman said with a smile. _

_Logan returned that smile as he leaned in closer, slowly enough for Roman to say no, and gently kissed him. It was soft and sweet, and if it had lasted forever, it would not have lasted long enough. He pulled away as his smile grew tenfold, seeing the way Roman's cheeks tinged pink and his smile burned bright as the sun, and loving that he was the cause of that. _

_"As did I, mi sol."_

_ **~That's all I ask of you~** _

_Logan held Roman in his arms, who was silently crying on his shoulder. He had gotten into a fight with his parents when they called him that day. Them calling was a rare occurrence but still happened every once in a blue moon. He had gone to Logan's place, barely able to explain what had happened, in desperate search of comfort. Virgil was confused, if not incredibly concerned, but gave the two of them their space. _

_"Logan?" Roman asked, his voice breaking ever so slightly. _

_"Yes, my love?"_

_"You'll never leave me, will you?"_

_Logan held him even more tightly than he had before, pressing a kiss to his forehead and brushing a hand through his hair. _

_"I will be here with you forever, I swear it. Do you remember what you told me just a few months prior? 'Even when I die, my spirit will live on within you, and we'll never be apart'. I now make that promise to you." _

_"You really are starting to sound more like me," Roman joked, his smile weak and forced. _

_"Then I shall consider it a blessing to be even remotely comparable to the brightest star in the sky."_

_A smile blossomed across Roman's face as he adjusted his position to look deep within Logan's eyes, the two of them kissing deeply and passionately. He pulled away to smile again, unable to help it. He ran a hand through Logan's hair and gave another quick peck. _

_"Te amo, mi cielo. Te amo con todo mi corazón."_

_ **~Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and I will follow you~** _

_Logan lightly brushed his fingers across Roman's cheek, resting their foreheads together as he held Roman's face in his hand. _

_"Yo también te amo, mi sol. Por siempre y para siempre."_

_Forever and always. _

_ **~Share each day with me. Each night, each morning~** _

_Roman rested his head on Logan's shoulder once more, taking a deep breath as Logan held him close. _

_"It's getting rather late, mi amor," Roman pointed out. "Shall we rest for the night?" _

_Logan ran his hand up and down Roman's back soothingly, gently resting his head against his. _

_"That would be wise, yes."_

_They both got ready for bed, Roman borrowing one of Logan's pyjama sets. He was rather miffed that he was wearing Ravenclaw clothes as he, himself, was a Gryffindor, but he could make do with this for tonight. _

_They snuggled into bed, Roman resting his head on Logan's chest and wrapping his arms around his waist. Logan combed his fingers through Roman's hair, who seemed to enjoy the affection as he hummed contentedly. _

_"Buenos noches, mi cariño precioso."_

_ **~Say you love me!~  
~You know I do~** _

_"Dulces sueños, mi guapo príncipe." _

_ **~Anywhere you go, let me go too. Love me, that's all I ask of you~** _

_It was a rainy day in September._

Logan had to stop playing as he remembered that rainy day. He didn't want to remember that rainy day at all. He held a hand over his mouth to contain the sobs that threatened to break free. His body shook with his cries, tears cascading down his face as he mourned, even seven years after the fact. 

He suddenly felt someone sit by his side, startling him out of crying for a moment. Some small, illogical part of him thought it was Roman, but it was Ethan. He must have been awoken by the music. A wave of guilt washed over him as his sobbing continued full force, Ethan holding him in his arms. 

Logan cried into his chest for what felt an eternity, trying to get his emotions under control and actively failing. He couldn't get the worst day of his life out of his head no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted to. He focused on Ethan, the feeling of being held by him, the comfort of having him by his side. 

It wasn't enough. It was never enough. And Logan hated that.


End file.
